I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
