break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
