Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
