i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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