I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
