why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
