If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
