you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
