you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
