Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Randomize
