I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize