I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
