The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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