listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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