I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
