Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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