dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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