allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize