My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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