Your face is a jimmy john
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
