You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
