i would punch a child for taco bell
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
