Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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