Whatcha textin bout Willis?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
