We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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