I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
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