hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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