I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
