I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
