I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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