Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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