dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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