i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
false alarm. still invincible.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
