i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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