I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Someone came in the potted fern
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
