Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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