I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
