I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
