nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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