Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
