It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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