Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
