You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
