Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
