I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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