New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
