We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
