Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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