Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I deserve to be covered in dicks
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
