I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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