4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i've created a new STD.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
