he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
